Sometimes in life, the universe sends you a sign. Sometimes over the period of three to six years, the universe sends you multiple signs that you continue to ignore until it becomes a rude awakening and a catalyst for change. You can probably guess which happened to me.
The Surgery
Starting about six years, I occasionally had a sharp stabbing pain in my upper right abdomen just below my breastbone. I knew it was likely to be gallstones, but typically after a quick visit to the doctor or urgent care and a shot of toradol, I would fall asleep and wake up feeling totally fine.
The first time I had an attack bad enough to send me to the doctor was just before I moved to Lexington, and I had imaging done. Unfortunately the hospital never transferred the images to my new doctor. The second time it was bad enough to send me to the doctor was just as Kentucky shut down due to COVID. The doctor couldn’t order any imaging and the pain ceased after sleep so I never followed up. It happened again, but I was too busy at work to be bothered.
One day, my “bandaids” failed. they failed so miserably that I had not one but two visits to the ER. Not only did I have gallstones, but my gall bladder was infected and enflamed. It needed to come out pronto.
I negotiated with the doctor to let me schedule it for the next week. This way my mom could come take care of me, I could wrap some things up at work, and I would know my dog was taken care of. I had a work trip the following week that I had to drop out of, but I thought for sure I would be able to participate virtually. After all it was a 2 hour outpatient surgery. No big deal.
The surgery ended up being five and a half hours long. My gall bladder was so enflamed and infected that they couldn’t remove the entire thing. I still have one centimeter of it in me. The surgeon said I should have been in terrible pain, and she was shocked that I was walking around and functioning. It was scary that I had been so sick and had no idea. It should have been my catalyst for change… it was not.
The First Diagnosis
I thought after my gall bladder was removed that all of my woes would be gone. Some of them were. I had been terribly sick for a long time. Some of the exhaustion went away. I didn’t feel quite us run down, and I was getting sick a little less but I didn’t feel great still. My younger brother came to stay with me one weekend and he mentioned something about how loud I snored. Until that moment, I was under the impression that I didn’t snore unless I was sick. I decided to talk to my doctor and was referred to a sleep specialist. It was determined that I had sleep apnea which was contributing to my ongoing issues with fatigue.
I now have a very sexy cpap which has helped with my sleep. I was told it would be a game changer. Frankly, it didn’t hurt but it certainly didn’t change things all that much for me. I travel quite a bit for work and sometimes I bring it and other times I don’t. I also have spent most of this year sick. I have been stuffy and suffering from a lot of pressure headaches which makes the cpap nearly unusable for me.
The Second and Third Diagnosis
Last August I was diagnosed with ADHD. Like many women in their thirties, I started to suspect that I may have ADHD as I saw content about the ways ADHD can manifest for women. The process for getting diagnosed was not quick and easy. In fact it took about 4 months, multiple appointments with an evaluator and then three or four follow ups with my primary care physician.
When I finally received my diagnosis, I was so excited. I thought, “Oh surely this is it. This is the thing that turns the ship around.” I began therapy. I started taking medication for my ADHD and I started recognizing all of the different ways that my ADHD affects me. I felt less unmoored. I finally understood that my brain worked slightly different. I was not a failure, but I needed to find ways to work with my brain. And yet, I still didn’t feel better. I was still exhausted all of the time. I struggled to fall asleep, to stay asleep and to feel rested.
I was getting sick all of the time. I am working with an allergist on some of the issues and discovered that I have asthma. The asthma has gone undiagnosed likely my whole life. I also have some allergies to grass, mold and ragweed that are definitely contributing to my issues. Unfortunately, one of the biggest issues is bariometric pressure changes. Abrupt shifts in weather means that I get sinus pressure headaches, stuffy ears and nose, and a whole host of drainage issues.
This whole process really brought to my attention so many of the issues that come from being fat and trying to get medical care. It’s upsetting how much I have had to fight and advocate for myself for medical testing and care. The medical field tends to chalk things up to being fat but I have these underlying conditions that no one has ever even tested for.
The Catalyst for Change
Last month, I was speaking to my therapist and saying how I could not seem to figure out what was wrong with me. I was tired all the time, and couldn’t seem to figure out what was wrong. I couldn’t wake up before 8 am. I couldn’t get into any sort of routine. I just felt lost and unmoored. She recommended that I meet with my doctor about adjusting my medications. She mentioned that you can give yourself grace and meet yourself where you are at, but for me it was clearly starting to affect my mental health. That it had been 6 months without any improvement which meant it may be something more. (She also challenged me to something else that I’ll write about another day.)
When I saw the doctor, I pushed for additional testing both hormonal and full blood panel. I was stressed and anxious all of the time. My exhaustion was reaching all new levels and my hair was falling out. The doctor agreed that this was strange and ran the full array of tests on me. Oddly, until this point, no one in the past five years had ever tested my blood glucose or A1C. Both of these tests were sky high. I had never been diagnosed with pre-diabetes or even warned that I was experiencing metabolic dysfunction. Now suddenly I was being told that I have Type 2 diabetes.
This diagnosis is the catalyst for change. It is imperative that I start paying attention to my health and wellness in ways that I never have before. In the coming weeks and as a part of my routines and rituals posts, I’ll be writing about changes that I have made. From morning workouts and walking regularly to a new way of eating and thinking about my health. This is it—my opportunity to right the ship, make lasting changes and figure out exactly what my life looks like with ADHD, Sleep Apnea, and Type 2 diabetes. There is a lot going on, but I am hopeful for the future.
